A RAMADHAN WITH ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS

by - May 01, 2020

Assalamualaikum. Hi.


Happy Ramadhan everyone. May all of us have a blessed Ramadhan and may our Ramadhan will be full of ibadah and good deeds.

Today marks the 8th day of Ramadhan. I always love Ramadhan but this year is another level. I don't know about other people but I love this year's Ramadhan a lot more if compare with past years. Put COVID-19 and me missing my family aside ;

I like the fact we don't have bazaar Ramadhan this year because one, I hate crowded places but I still need to go to the bazaar because I'll be too tired and too lazy to cook after facing traffic jam on my way back from work. Two, because my fridge is (almost) free of leftovers nowadays. Arrif has this bad habit of buying a lot of food at once. On weekends where we usually went to Putrajaya's bazaar, he spent over RM50 although there were only two of us. All the leftovers ended up in the fridge and I'll have headache arranging all the food inside the fridge. He finished them eventually. Little by little because he'll have a little bit of everything on his plate everyday like a mini buffet. Luckily he's not that picky. According to him, the microwave can fix everything. Hahaha. I was guilty of spending excessively at bazaar too but unlike Arrif, I don't really eat leftovers unless I really like the food. Hence many of my food usually went to the bin and that made me feel guilty. I haven't throw any food (yet) this year and that makes me feel good about myself.

Since I started working during the fourth day of Ramadhan, I like how early I reached home every evening after work that even after cooking, I still have some time to relax before buka puasa. I had help too since Ira is still at my house. It's not like Arrif doesn't help in the kitchen but I don't trust him with cooking. A few days ago I asked him to put prawns inside the sambal only when the chili paste is cooked but of course, he put it before that. It was funny because I was skeptical he can get the timing right but he said he know how uncooked chili can cause stomachache hence he won't let that happen. So confident.

I don't know if you'll judge me if I said this, but I prefer to do tarawih alone, inside my comfy room, at my own pace, taking my own sweet time. So when tarawih at surau/masjid is not allowed this year, I feel relieved because I don't have to feel guilty of not going to surau/masjid. I know it's up to us if we want to go to the surau/masjid or not but I still feel guilty watching everyone's post on social media. I know it's a selfish and bad thing to be glad about but anyone with me? 😭

We may not be able to go back to our hometown for raya this year and we won't have our usual raya too because of COVID-19. Guess who's happy about that? Me! Of course, I want to go back to my hometown. I've been missing my family so so much to the extent I'll video call home few times a day just to report petty things like Ira bothering me, Ira this, Ira that or ask unimportant questions like do we need ginger in singgang asam pedas or can we substitute anchovies with pati bilis (read: budu) inside sup sayur bayam (turns out my mak use sardine, not anchovies in her sup sayur bayam). Sometimes mak don't even have to talk. She just needs to put the phone close to her and I'll watch her doing her stuff. I'm such a psycho. Hahaha. That being said, I'm sad I can't see my family but at the same time, I'm happy too because we won't have our usual raya because I dislike our raya culture. I don't get raya festivity. I know raya is a legit celebration in Islam but I also know the way we celebrate it is not right either with all the excessive preparation from clothing, food, duit raya, etc.

Deep down, me disliking raya stem from my hate to mak cik bawang. Hahaha. I mean I hate mak cik bawang all the time but I don't see them everyday and I avoid them like plague along the year. But I can't avoid them during raya because there's visiting each other's culture. I' have mak cik bawang bothering me every year since forever. I know everyone hates and faces mak cik bawang too but it depends on individual tolerance. I have a very low tolerance when it comes to mak cik bawang and it easily shows on my face hence I'm so thankful for this year's situation. But I still think the way we celebrate raya is excessive causing it to lost its meaning.

I also hate some lagu raya hahaha I really have problems with everything related to raya. Some because of their lyrics because they contain "miskin hina" in them. Some because it reminded me of my late grandfather. I think the last time I enjoyed raya was when he was still alive and that was 20 years ago. I miss him a lot. Oh my, I can't talk about him without shedding tears. His existence was one of the reasons why I had the best childhood. I love him so much so can you please sedekah Al-Fatihah to him? 

His bracelet when he performed his hajj. I'm not sure if jemaah from Malaysia still needs to wear this bracelet or not but during that time, they wore this.

Thank you for reading.

💙
Nurul

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12 comments

  1. cepat masa berlalu dah masuk 8 Ramadhan. bulan ramadhan yang sangat menjimatkan tak perlu berbelanja lebih. samalah tak suka makan leftovers food kecuali makanan favourite yang boleh disimpan. Kalau masak pun, memang jenis masak bajet sekali makan je. memang sangat tak yakin bila suruh husband ke dapur ni. semuanya kena bagitau details dan pantau kalau jarang ke dapur. Hihi..kadang tu jadi hiburan je. Ibadah kita biarlah hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu.Biar apa orang kata/judge. Yang penting ibadah kita diterima Allah. Semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. Sayu rasanya tak beraya di kampung. rindu family dan rasa sebak bila dengar suara. T_T

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    1. betul tu. jimat betul Ramadhan kali ni takde membazir beli banyak-banyak makanan dekat bazar.

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  2. Ramadan Mubarak!

    the Haj bracelet reminds me to my late abah..this year will be the 2nd year without him or I would say 3 years without his presence in helping my mak doing house chores, cleaning, cutting meat for rendang..really really missed him till now. AlFatihah to your granddad and to my dad too.

    Peeping to visit and say hi from www.iamfuzy.com

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    1. Al Fatihah to both your abah and my grandfather. It must be tough for you and your family. I can't imagine losing my parents.

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  3. tears!

    TEARS!

    tears everywhere i tell ya.

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  4. Oh my gosh! I finally found someone who shares the same dislike for Raya as well! Hahaha I've always thought it was a little taboo to mention it in public but I'm glad you put it out there. The problem is not so much about Raya, in fact, it's all the unnecessary waste and hassle around it. I like being around my family and visiting close relatives. But I don't think I can ever come to like the many restless hours of slaving away in the kitchen to prepare for it or being sociable 24/7 after that. It's out of my comfort zone. I'm glad I can get a bit of break this year. But anyway, take care over there!

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    1. I've never feel alone because my little sister and my husband also shared the same dislike but all for different reasons. Hahaha. I also thought it's a taboo thing too but I just feel like addressing it this time. Hopefully I don't get backlash later. I understand you. I don't get the long and excessive preparation until late night and then we are expected to be sociable the next day when all I want is a sleep. You take care too!

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  5. I am happy that my husband and I managed to cook during Ramadhan (for now) hehe we planned to avoid order outside food as well. Seems like manage to cook give much more satisfaction and saving more money :)

    hanisamanina.com

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    1. Agreed. It does feel to good to be able to save some money by cooking instead of buying.

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  6. I give leftovers to stranded cats or birds.
    Truthfully, I also love perform Terawih alone. I perform later at 10 p.m after the foods have been processed. Usually you will rush to prepare to go Terawih at mosque/surau and you feel uncomfortable because your stomach is full.
    Hehe, well everybody has their own take about Hari Raya. I do not feel excited to have new baju kurang. It do bother me at all.


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    1. I usually perform tarawih around that time too and agreed praying with stomach full of food is uncomfortable. We even perform our Maghrib prayer first before eating heavy meal.

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Hi, thanks for your comments ^_^